when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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