I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
