Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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