Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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