I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
