Don't make out with my wife yet
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
