This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was not drunk enough for that final.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
