i think my mom watched the whole time
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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