where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
