Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
