At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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