Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
