I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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