she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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