I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
