I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
