just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
