yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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