I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
