he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize