ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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