He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You made out with two different species that night
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
