You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
