i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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