I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize