i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
