ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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