I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
we should paint friendship bongs
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
