i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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