I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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