There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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