I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
