glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
