did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
