im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
