I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
