while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I believe in your delicious
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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