Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
