Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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