I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
