I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
