so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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