I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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