wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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