The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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