I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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