Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
