PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
