She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
