He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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