Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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