still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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