Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
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