Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
