the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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