I look better un-naked...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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