You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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