God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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