I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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