I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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