Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
