Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
