News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
