I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
