I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
