I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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