Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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