STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
